We are adoptees. We may have grown up always knowing or may have learned about it later in life. Either way, this idea that we have a alternate identity gives us reason to pause and wonder. What was my name “before?” Who are my birth parents? Where do they come from? What are they like? Are they wondering about me?
Something I experienced and now hear over and over are the musings of a child about being adopted. Are “they” famous? Why didn’t they raise me themselves? Are they going to come back and look for me? Will I just “know” if I happen to run into them somewhere?
Growing up my being adopted was just part of my story. I grew up with 2 older brothers and one younger sister. They are not adopted. We each had our own things that made us special and stand out. One of mine was being adopted. I had lots of cousins who were adopted. It was one of the things that tied us together. I did not feel any different from my other siblings in the family. We are all kids of our parents, brothers, sisters, and cousins.
Beginning a search is always an exciting yet a somewhat scary endeavor. What will I find if I search? What will their response be? We feel we are worth knowing and loving and so ready to accept them into our lives. It is hard to imagine that they will not accept us with open arms. In my years of helping others in search and reunion, we find that this is the case more often than not. The birth families may be a little wary at first as they question, why and why now? Some reunions lead to added family, some new friends and some a new person on the Christmas card list. It is like meeting anyone new for the first time. Sometimes you hit it off and sometimes not. Just because there is a biological relationship, it doesn’t mean there is an intrinsic need to be in each other’s lives.
While we know there are an infinite number of possible conclusions to a search, we want to know more about our “other reality.” The emotions and thoughts we experience before, during, and after a search are all valid and real. Give yourself time to adjust to each step. Chat with us to reassure yourself that it is a realistic experience. We have been there and understand.