The lazy days of Summer are on the horizon. Summer usually means trips to see relatives and family reunions. Growing up, I loved going to the family reunions. I had a huge set of aunts and uncles on both sides of my family. This meant I also had a LOT of cousins. Some I saw regularly but others I only saw once a year at the reunion. We would all eagerly look forward to the big table of food, the games of chase out in the yard, the guitars and sing a long in the afternoon with the grown ups, and the stories of when the grown ups were young and the shenanigans they would get in to. While I was not related to these wonderful folks by blood, I was related to them by love. There was no distinction made between those in the family by birth or by adoption. It was a regular thing in my family so no mention was really made of it. It was just how we became family.
Maybe it was because I was adopted or maybe just my naturally curious nature, but I was more aware of the family tree than my non-adopted siblings. If there was ever a project in school that dealt with a family tree and ancestors, I eagerly put it all together. On the flip side, when there was a project dealing with the genetic ancestors such as blue eyes vs brown eyes, ear lobes or no ear lobes, I also eagerly abstained from the assignment because I was adopted. For me it never was a big negative. I suppose I was confident where I was. I knew my place in the family and how I fit.
As I have worked with other adoptees over the years, I realize not everyone had the same experience of family and feeling included. That has to be very tough. Growing up feeling like an outsider and that you didn’t fit in would definitely shape your experience of family and relationships with others. There are those who are not adopted who also have struggles growing up in a family that isn’t emotionally connected to each other. With the understanding and realizing that being connected by blood is not a guarantee of a great experience, we can be open to creating a family with those around us who we care for and who care for us. Family is simply the group of people we love and call our own.